Grit

by Growing Flowers

 

The Great Sand Dunes - Colorado

I recently read a post about this topic: Grit.  I think it has been a theme rolling around my experiences lately.  It reaches every aspect of our living experience. I’m glad it’s being talked about.  What is it?  Frances Galton, author of Hereditary Genius researched the lives of great men in 1869.  He determined that success was a result of “ability combined with zeal and the capacity for hard labour.”  Grit is perseverance, determination and hard, hard work.

I think I first encountered this concept when I met my husband.  He comes from East Germany and when we moved to the states in order for me to begin my midwifery education, he willingly and happily left his lucrative position and cushy lifestyle to support my passion.  When we arrived here, he worked jobs waiting tables.  He worked double shifts and construction on the side. For 7 years he worked every single day to support our family, pay our bills, pay my tuition (for the first two years) and to allow us to have as much time with our kiddos and for me to become a midwife. When I would ask him if he was exhausted.   He would always say, “Da musst du durch.” (You just have to get through…)   It was a lifestyle  and a culture of living. Life wasn’t always easy  growing up in East Germany. It’s not like here. Americans, often, do have it quite easy. Not always, I know. But we need to recognize our privilege if we do indeed have it.  There are times when you just need to push through. Work hard.

 

I see this come up for me often in childbirth.  Labor is hard, it’s extremely challenging.  Women are often shocked at the pain and hard work that comes with labor.  The only way to move through it is with absolute surrender, acceptance and determination.  You have to be one hundred percent committed to doing the work that it takes. I know some people find it shocking that I use the pain to refer to labor and I’m a midwife.  Not everyone experiences pain, but probably 98% do.  The pain isn’t negative, it’s powerful, it’s opening, it’s everything. And it’s hard.  I feel like the two most popular belief systems in childbirth in the US today are:

1. It is so painful, scary, terrible and unnecessary! Give me a c-section, put me out, give me an epidural! 
2. Birth is orgasmic and painless if you just do it “right!”

I subscribe with my entire being, heart and soul to this idea:  Birth is hard, blissful, painful, scary,  ecstatic, terrifying, beautiful and I CAN DO IT! YOU CAN DO IT!  Women have been doing it forever. When everything is normal, and uncomplicated by unusual medical events and/or procedures and interventions, a woman’s body will birth her baby with the exact right amount of power needed. I am filled with gratitude that I am able to witness this again and again and again. Thank you! Grit. 

We need it as midwives too.  We see client after client every single day. These clients all bring their unique and important selves, questions and needs to each appointment. We have to give each of them our all. We will listen to them, discuss their lives with them, inquire gently into other aspects, care for their medical needs if necessary. I feel we are forced, if not with a certain gentleness and urgency, early in our careers to develop this characteristic. We have to be able to give to our clients, their families and to our families with grace. We can’t always go home and sleep when we are tired, we can’t turn off our phones at the end of a long work day. Many of us have children, so after a long night at the always intense birth, we do not bury our heads in a pillow. We are on, all the time – trying to give 100 percent. All the time. Grit

I have learned by watching Jennie, our farmer, work very hard.  I have written about this throughout this farming experience. Poco a Poco.  Sustaining long projects step by step.  She manifests this with extreme grace and a determined cheeriness by doing one thing after another. One at a time, one step at a time. Determinedly moving forward – with incredible result and abundance.Grit.

I see this as an important topic for our children. It’s something I’ve struggled with this year. It came up for me around Kaya’s flamenco classes.  Kaya started disliking Flamenco classes. She was getting better and better at it, but she began moping about going and generally not enjoying it anymore.  We discussed ending lessons. It didn’t sit right with me, we had gone through a similar experience the previous year with Tae Kwon Do. We had allowed her to quit. This time I needed to figure out how to balance encouraging and supporting her towards a goal and “forcing” her to complete what she had started.  Obviously, I don’t want to force her to do something she doesn’t enjoy, but I also didn’t want to allow her to just give it up, because she didn’t feel like going to class on some sunny days.  We had lots of discussions and talked with her teachers and they suggested putting her in the adult class. She would be good enough to not completely stumble behind, and challenged enough to move quickly forward.  She agreed and she has been stomping about ever since. In that good, Flamenco kind of a way! 

(As I write this, my daughter came in, face red with exertion exclaiming about her amazing bike ride way up into the hills with two friends! She said, it was exhilarating and an “incredible workout.” ) Grit.

As homeschooling parents, we do have an amazing opportunity to really encourage our children to do long-term projects. We can do it when we have our children in school as well, but it is peripheral. One cannot focus on the extra-curricular activities. I was able to see Treska grow abundantly and become incredibly focused on her garden.  Her seedling business and garden were a HUGE success.  She wrote about her experience for Mother Earth News. (I would just buy the copy from the Newsstand! It’s this issue: July/August 2009 page 66)

 Falko and I have really wanted so many things for our children, confidence, self-esteem, joy, pride and dignity, intellect, an ability to see the “big picture,” curiosity….we hadn’t talked abut Grit -and now I’m realizing how incredibly important it is! When Treska was in third grade the teacher gave out awards to all the children for something.  Treska received: “Most Determined”  at the time, I didn’t feel like that was the most positive characteristic. All the other children received awards like, “Best Helper,” “Most Cooperative,” “Peacemaker.”  I remember bursting into tears after that award ceremony. I was sure the teacher was saying she was stubborn.  Well, she is. In the best way imaginable!  She is strong, she is super smart, she is opinionated and she is a go-getter. Everything that I have ever wanted for my children. She’s received wonderful recognition for these qualities and has been respected as a leader in her school and her classroom. Now she homeschools and I can see how these qualities allow her to bloom in ways previously unimaginable. 

As I ‘m thinking about this – I just keep having more ideas and examples come to mind. Ballet dancers – the incredible hard work needed to perform, my father and his recovery from his aneurysm. Day by day struggle and perseverance, people dealing with grief – no choice but to go through it, every minute of every day…..Grit seems to accompany the most intense of the human experience.

Grit! It’s an opportunity for thought. We are all just learning and growing. Plenty of room for change and growth! That’s for sure! I am certainly not writing this post today to say that I’ve got it all figured out, I, for sure, definitely don’t.  I’m writing to share with you my thoughts about this – open a discussion. What are your thoughts?