Reading, Writing and Skiing
It is one of those days in which I am still in my pink and green flowered jammies late in the afternoon. The sun has been streaming in all day and the mountains are glowing white – frosted and snowed upon. Truly stunning. I have read, drunk tea, ate some corn chips. (Which is why I am starving right now, I just realized.) And caught up in my email world. One day of not checking email leaves hours of work for the next.
All my dog does is sleep. One near me and the other loves to be outside. Kaya is skiing, Treska and Falko are in class all day. I remained in bed for a long time today – only recently moving to the red couch. Sipping tea.
I’m sore from skiing yesterday in the most mind-blowing conditions and tired from a restless sleep. I have been making good rules for myself at night – no thinking. Don’t think. Feel the pillow, the soft lightness of the down duvet….hear Falko’s soft breathing. Breathe yourself. Just breathe. It is hard though. My mind skips from subject to subject prodding and testing. Like sticking your tongue in the tender spot to see, “Does it still hurt?”
This year will bring so much change. We are losing a close friend, Treska will leave for college and Kaya may go to a boarding school for dance. (We have, by no means, decided yet and she has only been asked to audition, but has not been accepted yet…) It’s a deep despair I feel. I love those girls and despise the grief I am faced with. Lots of loss this year and more to come.
Reading, writing, and skiing! And, you know, I’ve been enjoying spending time alone. It is a new thing for me. My home is full of life, discussion, chores and lots and lots of dancing. (Kaya doesn’t walk, she dances across every room she is in.) Work is a full-on giving to each person who walks through our door. But skiing! I have been skiing alone. It is quiet, cold and deeply calming.