I am thrilled that my kids will still do these kinds of crafts with me. I always wonder when they will be done. Maybe never. I never, ever tire of blowing out eggs and painting them. This is a tradition we brought back with us from Germany. What beauty…. I am sure that even when my kiddos are off at college, I will still blow out eggs, paint them and hang them on the blossoming branches gathered from secret places…..
I’ve got many thoughts about the loving going on this Valentine’s Day. I love this holiday. I do. It’s a time to celebrate it a bit. I like doing small projects to honor the day. Kaya and I made chocolates – or, rather, in the spirit of this year, we began the project of making chocolate, but still haven’t finished it! We used the recipe from this sweet mama’s blog. And it is scrumptious – in fact, as I sit here, late at night – I’m wondering if it is still in the fridge. My older daughter had some time to homeschool today and I know her chocolate appetite. Chocolate does not stand a chance around her. I hope it’s still in the fridge, in the pot, where it should be!
Anyhow…for some reason when I have a day off of clinic, I feel like I have a luxurious amount of time. I don’t. I never seem to fit even 1/2 of the things into my day that I have planned. Sunday night, Kaya and I planned on making chocolates and also heart pillows to celebrate Valentine’s day! While she sat at her desk crafting the sweetest Valentine’s Day cards for her family, we exchanged fun ideas about heart pillows – pillows in the shape of hearts, appliqued hearts, embroidered hearts…. I also planned on having our neighbor to dinner – a slow and fun dinner before going to the Harwood fashion show in which Treska was taking part. (I also had a chiropractor appt to put my body back into place after a hard ski fall and piano lessons!)
Well – we got half way done with the chocolates – not even a hint of a start with the pillows and I couldn’t find part of my ONE fancy dress to wear to the event in the evening. I tore apart my bedroom, my closet and my drawers. I spilled out the contents of my red trunk that keeps scarves, mittens and hats for the entire family – searching desperately for the piece that was missing! Dee came over as Kaya was madly peeling the squash for the coconut, curry, squash soup. The chocolate was half melted, formed into hearts, stars and gloppy lollipop chocolates on a stick. (The first one made Kaya laugh hysterically…. it was a mess, I tell you!) I swear, Kaya kept it all together. She finished the dinner that I had started earlier. (The curry and onions were marinating the coconut milk…..) She set the table all while I was turning my bedroom into an obscene whirlwind of a clothes tornado. I never did find the piece, but was able to substitute. I think it was the red lipstick that made it all work!
We all made it on time – I brought Kaya to her rehearsal and met Falko and Dee at the Harwood.
And what does this all have to do with Valentine’s Day? Well, I would have to say that I love this life. I accept its insanity, its business, its quirks and its complications. I love my family, my daughters, my Falko. I cherish and love my friends around me. I love my work. I really do.
This photo does not represent my life at all. Zero. I wanted to post the two blankets I made as gifts for Christmas. I finally sent them out and they were finally received – less than a month after Christmas. (I am improving though, last year they didn’t get out until February!)
That last bit of information is actually more indicative of how things are going. It’s busy – really, really busy around here. Cold sores all over my lips busy. Really busy. Like broken fax machine, non-working printer, no receptionist, broken washer and dryer (lots of birthy sheets to be washed), internet down kind of busy. Like short-staffed kind of busy. Birth Center kind of busy. Four births in four days busy. No sleep for three nights. That kind.
So – that is what is going on here. But the babies are coming quickly, surprisingly and finally! That helps keep the perspective. I’m glad for that.I love that. (And you know what, I honestly would be happy for another tonight.)
And I am glad for my daughters who are actually more helpful than anything. Both girls have picked up so much of the slack on the home front. They’ve both helped so much keeping things neat and picked up. Vacuumed and mopped. Falko and Kaya, with her adorable pony tails, brought me food at the birth center when they didn’t think I’d make it home to eat. Very welcomed food. (One night my dinner was a tiny bag of planter’s peanuts from a vending machine at the hospital! Not good for all night stamina!)
They’ve tucked me into bed, pulled the blinds and brought me cut fruit, potatoes with rosemary and eggs, tea and coffee. They’ve been protective of my time and mostly understanding when I’m just gone forever.
Kaya has had to end up at the Birth Center for more hours than I or she had planned. She’s dealt so well, she has been patient and understanding. Mostly. She made me tea – she brought our new receptionist tea and a snack when it looked like we were at our wit’s end. She knows how to nurture and that comes from Falko. He’s a nurturer. And that comes from his mom.
Anyway, this is life. My life right now is like this. And from now on it’s going to slow down. And anyway, I can do busy. I’m good at busy. Looking forward to feeling good about how everything will come together.
I am finding more and more ways to be in the present. It is what I have been doing this year and it saves me from all the thinking my mind wants to do. I’m trying to do this, I mean. I’ve noticed the active effort that I have been making. Some of it is working, and some of it is not. Even my choice of profession – my calling moves me in this direction. I am completely, one hundred percent present at every single birth I do. I had a beautiful Monday – full of births in the middle of big emotions. The births I attended brought me right back to where I needed to be: here and right in the moment. Thankfully. The beauty, the seriousness and joyousness reminded me of where I wanted to be. In the here and now. It’s a lofty desire, but birth accomplishes it for me.
Yoga has done this for me as well. I usually arrive at yoga class (sometimes late) with my mind spinning. It takes a few vinyasas for me to forget what I was thinking of. Sometimes I only forget briefly as I move through the positions, but often my mind is quiet until I leave the studio.
AND
I started skiing. I did! We live in a ski town! It is the steepest mountain in North America, it is truly stunning! Beautiful! I have never skied before now. I’ve been slowly gathering gear, I’ve been watching my girls ski since the third grade – six years now, but I have never put on downhill skis or boots myself. My oldest is an insane skier (actually terrifies me) and my youngest loves it as well. They are growing up skiing, they are good at it and do it with joy. A close friend has been talking to me about skiing for more than a year now, I felt resistance to it due to the finances. It’s an expensive hobby – and I just didn’t know if I would be able to learn it at this late age! Finally, after much convincing, I gave in and took a “never ever” lesson – an all day lesson up at the ski valley and I learned! I worked hard, I rode the ski lift. It was stunningly beautiful up there. I watched Kaya scoot all around me, up and down and just everywhere with an ease and confidence that I am not sure I will ever attain. My second day was even better, but I was challenged to a run on the mountain – my first run away from the bunny hill. (Strawberry and Rugli) It did bring me to tears. It was hard and wonderful, but scary as well. I wasn’t too sure how I was going to get down – but I did. I finally did.
On the lift, towards the end of the day, I realized that I hadn’t thought about anything the entire day. I had concentrated only on being in my body. I was present in a way I never usually can be. Like a birth, it took no effort to be fully aware of what was right in front of me. Skiing was, for me, like an all-day meditation. (A successful meditation.) My mind was focused, concentrated and only in the present. My body worked hard and I felt my muscles being challenged in a way they are not usually.
I am so happy to think I am finding these ways to truly be present and rewire my brain in this way. What are the benefits of being focused and “in the present?”
One more thought. I love knitting and crocheting. Both of these crafts are mind quieters. The repetitive motions of the hands, that same focus on the stitches….. this is another way, for me, to still my mind and to be in the present. What do you do to find that stillness?
It’s moving forward, I can’t quite believe it! All the little squares are sewn together in long strips now. I’ve sewn two of the strips together and now only have 18 more to go! Surely and slowly. I’m actually getting excited about it. It’s hard to justify working on it right now thought, cause Christmas is coming and I have so many other projects going for gifts. It’s hard to stop working on a gift and work on my very own, selfish quilt! We possibly have a birth today, and I’m second midwife. This means I may have long hours of waiting for the baby and time to sit and work and craft….. I will be able to work on my quilt AND my other projects. I wonder if other women become AS obsessed as I do about these crafty projects in the winter….. It’s intense! I love it and feel productive. (I say this as my laundry is sitting a mile high in my bathroom, the table needs wiping, wood should be stacked and my bed isn’t even made!) It’s a different kind of productive, a more lasting one!
Kaya and Treska, as part of their homeschooling, are working on small knitting projects. Well, Kaya hasn’t decided whether she likes knitting or crocheting less. Today will be the day that she decides and begins her next project. We are making 6 inch by 6 inch squares for our “famous baby blanket.” The midwives and apprentices make these beautiful blankets for the members of our midwifery community who are expecting. I love having the girls participate! I want Kaya to really practice it, because I am sure that the only reason she isn’t enjoying knitting or crocheting is because she isn’t good at it yet. The ease hasn’t come and no state of flow can be reached until she feels confident at it and realizes how good she is at it!. So today, after correcting math, I will help her reluctantly begin her square and watch as it becomes easier and easier for her! I love the craftiness of winter!!!
One of the extracurriculars that Kaya does is sewing class. A friend of ours is a textile artist and offered sewing classes to Kaya. I think she enjoys them as much as Kaya, yet we are still trying to figure out a way to “pay” her for her time, energy and enthusiasm. She won’t accept money! Kaya wanted to make a Halloween costume and in typical Tam style, she told her to figure out what she wanted to make, design it and then Tam would help her bring it to life. I like that, I love that she really pushes Kaya. So Kaya researched dresses online and found an example of a hoop skirt that utilized drip-tape or watering hoses for the hoops. They worked for days and days and hours and hours on this dress. And here it is!
I’ve been so inspired to quilt for so long, I have just always felt that it would be too hard for me to do and to learn. The project is so huge! I, however, love quilts and find myself perusing websites with beautiful quilts and am just so in awe of people who manage to quilt! About 3 years ago I began cutting squares to make ourselves a quilt. I had been saving the girls’ favorite clothes for a long time to cut into pieces for a quilt. Well-worn skirts, shirts and dresses. The patterns instantly bring me back to the time when the girls wore the articles of clothing!! Finally I have begun the project – I, actually, became very obsessed with working on it this weekend. I sewed and cut squares for hours and hours. The girls came and chatted, Falko came and chatted – I drank coffee, ate breakfast and lunch while sewing and cutting. My goal is to finish it before winter is over. By stating that here, on this blog, it will help keep me moving forward with it! So thank you to all those crafty, quilty bloggers out there! Wow.
Every year we try to make as many gifts as we can. I want my daughters to know that Christmas isn’t about buying presents, it’s about generosity of spirit. The best way to physically feel this kind of generosity is to make gifts. I love seeing the girls working on gifts that they will offer friends and family. Our last month has been consumed with these gifts. Now that (almost) all of the gifts have been given, I can show some of our pictures…
If I wasn’t able to make a gift, I decided that I would only buy from local artisans. They have beautiful art and are desperately trying to make a living. If I wasn’t able to buy something locally, I would like it to be something recycled. We ordered items from e-bay as well. I just so don’t want to contribute the “Konsumerwahn” that is so often a part of Christmas. We all do our best…..
Lots of love to you all!!
Marcy prepared for a paper making project day. The sun is finally warming everything up. It is incredible to be outside.
She soaked egg cartons and paper and then blended them in a blender. The children tore up little pieces of colored paper to add to the mixture. Marcy made a frame from screen and wood. Falko supplied the staples for the staple gun!
The kids dipped and dipped and made page after page of beautiful paper. Kaya was excited to take it all home. Unfortunately, I just remembered that it is still outside “drying in the sun” although the kids are in bed! I hope it’s there in the morning…..
It was impossible to spend any time inside today. So after we chased the chickens, and gathered eggs….
I had an outdoor lunch with midwives and then took all the kids for a hike to the hot springs! A perfect ending to our day! Kaya’s best friend Larkin came over. They hiked, swam, made banana bread, painted eggs and had a blast!
